[ ]You hate the world.
[x]You hate society.
[CHUTUP!]You think vampires are cool.
[ ]You write poetry.
[ ]You have colored your hair black Halloween
[ ]You wear black/blue eyeliner at times.
[ ]You write poetry that's not for school.
[ ]You are freakishly obsessed with darkness.im not obsessed, but it makes me feel safe
[ ]You think love is a waste of time.some times
[ ]You've given up on the world.

Total = 2

[x]You've shopped at Hot Topic
[x]You've spent over $100 at Hot Topic.
[ ]You wear more bracelets than a Russian racist much?
[ ]You own a dog collar, that's not for your dog
[x]You're extremely pale.
[ ]You are a member of a poetry site.
[ ]Your screen name has been an oxymoron.
[x]You are an atheist or agnostic. since when does atheist = emo?
[x]You don't believe in god.
[ ]Your screen name has/had X's in it. NEVER.

Total = 7

[ ]You have been referred to as scary.
[ ]You have been referred to as demented.
[x]You have been referred to as weird.
[x]You have been known to hate teachers.
[ ]You have been known to cause trouble
[x]Your hair has been dyed a color that was not natural.
[ ]You have at least one photoshopped picture on myspace.
[ ]You think pictures look better in greyscale or sepia tone.
[x]You are scared of yourself sometimes.

Total = 11

[x]Suicide has crossed your mind
[x]You have screamed before who hasnt?
[x]You use big words that no one has ever heard before on occasion. Not on purpose.
[x]you've seen The Exorcist.
[ ]You liked The Exorcist.
[x]You've seen Saw.
[sokay]You liked Saw.
[x]You've done voodoo.
[x]You hate sports.
[ ]You dress up as the most morbid thing posssible on Halloween.

Total = 18

[x]Halloween is one of your favorite holidays
[ ]You have an obsession with fire.
[x]You have only a couple of actual friends.
[x]You're not afraid of spiders. =emo?
[x]You have had a conversation about how you want to die. like 12 times, with the same person, of different occasions
[x]You've painted your nails black
[ ]One or more of your myspace pics had writing on them.
[ ]You have had the word "...." in your display name.thats not a word.
[x]You love art.
[x]You like art with negative meanings depends.
Total = 25

50% emo..

that was pretty dumb.
and steriotypical.

ANYWAYS,
that was just a side track.

the point is,

IM CHANGING MY DA ACCOUNT.
re-add me/re-watch me here if i havent already noted you.

[link]


YAAAAAAAY.


imma delete this account in like a week or so.
HUBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel as though ive swallowed an insect.



so goodbye deviations.
that is all.

leave me a comment i will:


a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
g) In return, you must post this in your journal.

last night: the mindless self indugence concert
im sorry for the story-esque form im writing this in, it is due with the details i learned later.


it is 12:36 and mom has offered us, being isabelle, jaime, and myself, a ride down town to wait in line for the show we have been looking forward to for about two months now. the plan is to get down to "the big easy, concert house" and get the first spot in line so that we can be right up front for the show. we went down so early to beat the super-fans that would wait in line.

but when we got down there, the super-fans turned out to be us.
then morgan met up with us.

the first five or six hours went quite fast, it only felt like about an hour. waiting in line, we met some very very nice 19 year olds, named caitlen and aaron. they were in place #3 in line, but later went to #2 because the previous #2's let them cut. they were best friends, and we bacame friends with them to. they live in couer d 'alene. also waiting in line, at spot #15 or so was a very very attractive man that looked like benny normal, from retard-o-bot.

the last hour went very s l o w.
probably because we were all counting down time untill the doors opened.

when the doors finally did open, i was first inside, and took a spot in the very front of the pit, right in front of the mic.
beside me came isabelle, to my left.
and to my right was the benny normal look-a-like, i talked to him and found out his name was "i am will" i had to laugh.
his eyebrows were shaved off and painted back on, lower, in blue. he had pink makeup all below his eyes and he was VERY attractive.
come 8'o'clock the lights dimmed and people were settled in, i was crushed againced the bar that was holding people back from the stage. it hurt.

the first band to come on was "tub ring" they were pretty good. pretty indie.

the second band, "the birthday massacre" WHO I LOVE, was a lot more hardcore, and people started to mosh, and i, in the front was being crushed, unable to move. but the music was fantastic. and every single person in that band was hot.

then, the band everyone was waiting for, Mindless Self Indulgence, was to come on.
we all started chanting, A-NAL SEX, A-NAL SEX!

i got my phone camera and phone's vido camera ready and capture the first song, and everyone coming onto the stage.
people were screaming and pushing, and i was being pulled back into the crowd, i managed to pull my way back to isabelles back and stay there by holding onto her.
the music was great, jimmy was funny, and very drunk.

and i wanted my album signed to isabelle held it out, with a pen, and we kept screaming, "SIGN MY SHIT"
he ignored us, but we kept chanting it.

finally, the bouncer said "if i promise he'll sign it after the show, will you stop holding it up and yelling?"
we said "deal."

there were so many crowd surfers going by above us, every time one went by, i covered my head and ducked down a little, because they like to kick.

a few songs went by, and as a crowd surfer going right over the top of me knocked my right guage out, i was going to put a pen in my ear so it would'nt shrink, but decided againced it because it would probably get ripped out, and rip my ear along with it.

i asked the bouncer to put the picture i made on stage for jimmy, and he did. i was happy.

jimmy picked up the painting and held it up to the crowd. he then put it next to kitty [the drummer]'s drums.

on the bottom on the picture i wrote "if you accept this, you owe me a signature -LN"
he accepted it.

i was very exited.
jimmy urine is ACUALLY gonna sign my album!

all of the sudden i looked up a little and saw somthing coming down on me.
BOOM
there was screaming pain in my neck and down my spine, i was pushed down, and everything faded to black,
i couldnt move, i could hear faint music and the sounds of people shoving about, someones foot came down hard on my right eye.
"SOMEONE'S DOWN, COME HERE WE GOTTA GET HER UP. MOVE...." the bouncer's voice trailed out.
i flicked back to conceousness, still unable to move, i could feel myself being lifted, my legs being pulled over the bar, and suddenly i was being held by someone soft and strong, he was whispering "come on baby girl, stay with me.." i could'nt move or talk.
it was dark again.
i could finally open my eyes and i saw the bouncer, he was sitting over me, i was outside. he was saying something, "...babygirl, are you there, wake up for me,babygirl..."
i tryed to say i was okay, but i just opened my mouth and started to cry, i closed my eyes again and isabelle was next to me, she was hyperventilating, her eyes red and tears streaming down her cheeks.
and then i looked to my left and there was jaime, she looked afraid.

i closed my eyes, then there was a woman "what is your name, how old are you, what days is it, where are you right now?"
she scribbled my answers on a little yellow pad.

and then i remember caitlen and aaron, she was wondering what happened, he was crouching beside me, holding out his pinky finger, "promise me you're invincible.... promise me your invincible, your never gonna die"

i wrapped my little finger around his, "never" i tried to say.

"we have to leave, you have to go to the hospital" it was jaime.

"get on my back" she said and she wrapped my legs around her waist.
as i was being carried to the plaza eyerything was flickering on and off, like we were teleporting, i would be one place and then another, everytime i opened my eyes it was a new place, and everytime i opened my eyes i would start to cry, i knew i was passing out, but i couldnt feel anything wrong, so why was i doing it? I was afraid, thoughts were running through my head in a fast paced, constant movement, what if im paralyzed, what if i die, what if my body's in shock and i cant feel as im actually dieing, what if i die right here on jamies back, what if she then kills herself, what about her friends, our family- black again.

i opened my eyes again "..only sunshine, you make me happy when skies..."
again ".. oh please dont take my sunshine away..."
she was crying.


then i was in our car.
"you are my sunshine, my only..."

i was in the hospital, isabelle and jaime got me a cup of water, the nurse took it away.
i was still crying, pain was returning to my back.

i was in a CT scanner..
a doctor had been playing 20 questions some time ago, telling me about it.
my shirts and bra were taken off.
dont breathe...
hold still..
and the rest drowned into nothingness.

i lost both my guages, my album, my "punk flag" and all my money.and no signature...

JAIME!
i hate you.


STOP NOW.


you and your favoriting of whatever crayon coloured sweet ass crapily scanned pictures of forbidden romance and ohmygod hot sexy lust dribbling scribbles of an old cartoons fanart taken way too far. and the wolf silhouettes howling into the full moon and insence drgon mystic sward-weilding black knights of the dark and whathaveyou.

and tell isabelle to stop laughing so loud.